Sometime in the summer of 2010, I had an epiphany:
1. I’m kinky.*
2. I’m submissive.**
3. These two things are important parts of who I am, and I’d better get to work on accepting them.
I’d known these things about myself for a very long time, but been unable to really admit and embrace them. But in an instant, all that started to change. How did that happen? I’m not sure, really. There had been a lot of things going on, internally and externally, that brought me closer to accepting myself on many levels, not just sexual, and this was a part of that.
Since then, I’ve been exploring. Most of this exploration has been solo – examining my own desires, and reading everything I could get my hands on. This is how I do things – I’m a classic nerd. I started reading about colleges when I was a freshman in high school. Not because I’m such a dedicated student, but because I couldn’t wait to get out of my town, and when there’s something I’m excited about, my first instinct is to read everything I can about it.
Without a doubt, the best reading has been blogs by other submissive (and a few dominants/switches). There’s nothing like seeing a part of you that you always felt weird about reflected back in the words and experiences of someone you relate to and respect.
It was so helpful that I decided to start my own. Yes, just what the world needs, another blog by a sub.
I’m not exactly sure what this blog will include. I’m naturally inclined to political debate and cultural criticism, so there will probably be quite a bit of talk about sexual politics and the politics of kink. I’m unpartnered right now, and not prone to casual sex, so there probably won’t be a lot of sexy sex on this blog … yet.
So, I’ve already told you that I’m submissive, kinky and a nerd. And obviously I’m a feminist. What other labels can I apply to myself? Activist, extrovert, progressive, sex-positive, community-builder. These are all important parts of me as well, which are likely to inform this blog.
But that all sounds like I take myself horribly seriously, doesn’t it? Never fear, I like to make fun of myself as well. And in that spirit, here’s a horribly rude and inappropriate joke:
How do you tell a mosquito from a submissive?
When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking.
Nice to meet you.
* Er, maybe. What exactly does “kinky” mean, exactly? Does the word even have meaning? More on this later, clearly.
** Again, maybe. People seem to have very strong ideas about what this word means, and I don’t fit neatly into many of their definitions. And I’d normally be all “screw you all, I’m defining it for myself, you can’t tell me who I am, etc. etc.” Except I’m not sure how I feel about this word, and whether or not I’m even comfortable using it to describe myself. So yes, There Will Be Angst.