I called him “daddy”

4 Jun

I had confessed to the Gentleman Sadist, weeks earlier, that I was turned on by the idea of calling a partner “daddy.” I did it in a sideways, almost passive way – I didn’t call him “daddy,” or ask if I could. I just let it slip that calling a generic man “daddy” is something I fantasize about sometimes.

He just laughed and marveled fondly at the extent to which I was a little slut (which is really pretty much a term of endearment for us) and didn’t mention it again for a few weeks. I assumed that he was just not that into it and didn’t bring it up again. I didn’t get embarrassed, though, as I might have in the past. One nice thing about our rapport is that there’s no shame.

But last week, we were chatting and he told me he’d jerked off that morning, thinking about me. Well, of course that got my attention.

“What were you thinking about?” I asked.

“The sounds you’ll make the first time I make you call me ‘daddy.'”

Oh damn. My heart went into my throat and my pussy was instantly throbbing. And then he did indeed “make” me call him daddy, and I was hooked.

“Master” does nothing for me and while “sir” has its uses, it’s always felt a little bit forced on my lips – it’s hard for me to say it without the teensiest bit of a smirk or an eye-roll. But “daddy” – there’s no smirk when I say “daddy.” It lays me bare – makes me feel both vulnerable and protected at the same time. It’s a … wild feeling. I want to cry and laugh and come all at the same time.

It’s funny, because this seemed like such a taboo, for such a long time, for all the obvious reasons. And I’ll admit that part of what I enjoy about it is the dirty wrongness. So the truly amazing thing to me is that calling your lover “daddy” is a pretty mainstream thing. I mean, pop culture is full of it: 
Hey little girl, is your daddy home? … 
I love it when you call me Big Poppa ….
And of course we can’t forget Who’s your daddy? And in many Spanish-speaking countries, lovers call each other mami and papi.

To me, it feels a bit scary in an exciting way, but really it’s not that out of the ordinary.

And it does makes sense that it would be popular – is there a better archetype for the strong, male figure than “daddy”? For me, it’s not about pretending he actually is my father or that I’m a little girl (and no dig if that is your thing, it just doesn’t happen to be mine), it’s about the archetype.

But it’s still emotionally so powerful, and so taboo in a way. And yet so commonplace, despite the feeling of taboo. What an odd contradiction.

14 Responses to “I called him “daddy””

  1. Linda June 5, 2012 at 2:12 AM #

    I always find the daddy thing a bit difficult. I called my father “Daddy” all his life, still refer to him as such, and my daughter calls my husband “Daddy” and when I refer to him as “Daddy” it is in regards to his role as her father. If I ever dropped the D word in bed it would turn all the burners off. Perhaps if we used Dad or Papa or some other term of endearment for the paternal figure, we could play the daddy thing in bed, but that word carries too much other stuff. I get that the taboo of it is much of the appeal, but my husband looks and acts so much like my Daddy in his role as father that I can’t cross that line without cringing down to my toes. I think I sometimes envy those girls/women who can use the word or play the role because they have overcome yet another social barrier … but I’ll have to stay on this side and watch. I can’t go there. Master and Sir are both awkward for me, but they’ll have to do for now.

    • feministsub June 5, 2012 at 6:15 PM #

      I totally understand. I actually have never gotten off on incest fantasies at all (like literal daddy/daughter roleplay) – it’s definitely a “burners off” situation for me as well. I’m not really sure why just the name “daddy” so does it for me but I’ve decided just not to question it. 😀

      Also, I never called my father “daddy,” so that probably plays a role.

  2. Conina June 5, 2012 at 2:52 PM #

    I can’t go there either. I was raised on sirs and so they’re okay. I really get off on master, perhaps BECAUSE it feels so awkward.

    But this?

    “The sounds you’ll make the first time I make you call me ‘daddy.’”

    Is incredibly erotic and it would have made my pitter-pat go putt-putt too. (the phrasing in general, not the specific act)

    • feministsub June 5, 2012 at 6:12 PM #

      Is incredibly erotic and it would have made my pitter-pat go putt-putt too.

      Isn’t it though? That’s interesting about “master” turning you on BECAUSE it makes you feel awkward. Hm.

  3. RogueBambi June 7, 2012 at 11:04 AM #

    I’m so happy for you. Sounds just wonderful.

    Ps. For me there is something in the daddy department, the incest fantasies and the like, but I feel the same way about the word as you. The all powerful male archetype has come to take care of me and will not let me go or let me down. Isn’t that what “daddies” were invented for?

  4. Asubmiss July 9, 2012 at 4:37 PM #

    I have found you today, I can identify with you on many levels, It is a great read. RE: “daddy” I am not sure how I feel about it, however as Linda mentions above my kids talk to daddy, so as we are new to this and I am wanting to be submissive to only my husband, I have started using just that “husband” It seems to be working well so far!

  5. deviant wench July 11, 2012 at 10:23 PM #

    ““The sounds you’ll make the first time I make you call me ‘daddy.’”

    OK, that is hot.

    I have been going ’round with this recently myself, as have some of the other bloggers I read regularly. I have issues with “Daddy;” since the stepfather I grew up with was sexually abusive, “Daddy” as a term for a lover was a big “Hell, no!”

    Then I met Himself, and he said “Who’s your Daddy?” in that deep, sexy, masterful voice, and my pussy stood up and said “Hello!”

    That was 15 years ago and I’ve had such difficulty accepting it that I just recently (like, within the last month) talked to him about it after reading Gillian’s blog on the topic. Her take was similar to yours–that it’s not age play for her, or incest play (again, if that’s your thing great, but it’s not mine), it’s the archetype of the big, strong, protective male figure. I haven’t EVER had that in my life until I met Himself, so it makes sense that I would associate that archetype with him. And if I look at it as “short-hand” for “Leather Daddy,” which emphasizes that archetype with the connotations of incest (at least, it doesn’t have those connotations for me), then it doesn’t squick me out.

    Since that talk, I’ve used “Daddy” with Himself a couple times…and it’s been hot and sexy and arousing. Each time, it gets farther away from the “OMG what’s wrong with me” category and closer to the “Oh hell yes, fuck me Daddy!” category.

    Thanks for sharing this, reading other women’s thought processes on the topic is really helping me to figure out my own.


  6. fuzzilla August 4, 2012 at 1:41 PM #

    I totally get it. Calling a lover “daddy” feels comfortable as an old shoe for me.

    >It lays me bare – makes me feel both vulnerable and protected at the same time. It’s a … wild feeling.<

    YES. OK, that doesn't gibe with my "comfortable old shoe" description, though. It feels a little naughty, but in a mild, "caught sneaking cookies" kind of way. I guess I've just come to terms with being OK with it a while ago.

    "Master" just feels totally cheesy to me, like running around in cheap Halloween costumes. "Sir" is OK but a little too generic to have much emotional resonance.

  7. malefeministdom August 5, 2012 at 11:58 AM #

    I just wanted to say my girlfriend and I really like your blog. We recently found out we were into dom/sub roles while I was deployed to Afghanistan, and we’re still both working out our feelings about the feminist guilt that brings. Your arguments are great though! I really liked your post, “Submission, Power, and Sexism”. What’s surprising to me is that a small number of feminists are willing to cede hard-won sexual autonomy in favor of pre-existing male focused definitions of “power”. It’s odd to think that any feminist definition of power would include denying oneself sexually. I also wanted to encourage other readers that there are plenty of feminist men that respect women who prefer the submissive role during sex. I’m sorry if I’m prying, but how have your boyfriend(s) viewed/discussed their feminist guilt at playing the dominant role? Whenever I think of something to try, I’m always embarrassed and have to present my girlfriend with the idea like I’m not sure about it. It’s only once she’s confirmed that she’s into it that I can allow myself to be fully turned on by the idea. It may be outside the scope of this blog but it’s something I’ve often thought about. Thanks for the posts and keep it up.
    P.S. I’m definitely going to make her call me “daddy” at some point, thanks for the tip.

  8. Dildo Queen October 15, 2012 at 1:05 AM #

    I found calling my partner “daddy” a bit difficult because I still call my Dad that, however I found “papi” to be easier to say and more of a turn on…a little bit latino!

  9. samdazzle04 October 25, 2012 at 8:10 PM #

    A current partner of mine, while discussing what our D/s status would be, suggested a number of things and Daddy popped out at me, fast and hard. And I love it. I make a very clear distinction that it is NOT Daddy/daughter roleplay, but more of… I dunno, a Daddy and youthful girl. It’s fun and new and exciting and I agree with you that it just slips out so easily… I don’t even call him by his real name anymore!

  10. bedroompersona December 15, 2012 at 7:17 PM #

    That is great you found something you are comfortable with and looking forward to. Thank you for sharing your blog!

  11. RC January 9, 2013 at 10:44 AM #

    Is there a better archetype for the strong male figure than “daddy”?
    Some suggestions: “Zeus”, “Tarzan”, “Conan”, “Thor”, “Samson”. “Hercules”. Some other title than “Master” or “Sir”? How about “General”, “Admiral”, “Doctor”, “Judge”, “Your Majesty”?

    • lee September 4, 2014 at 2:16 AM #

      you sound as perverse as me. almost a pity that I already have the perfect gf lol

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