More on objectifying language

16 Jan

Funnily enough, my internet friend Discerning Dom posted a piece on almost exactly the same time last night on the same topic as I did, objectifying language (although he phrased it in terms of “insults). His post is a great take from the other side of the coin – you should go read it.

It reminded me of a few points I meant to make in yesterday’s post. First, I’ve realized that I really only like this talk when it refers to sexual things. “Dirty, perverted whore”? Yes please. “Ugly, worthless, stupid whore”? Hell no, and get out of my house. I understand that some people do like the latter, and I can intellectually understand the appeal: having someone call you things you’re afraid of being called, and seeing that the sky doesn’t fall, that they’re still there. Lifting the rock and seeing what lies under there.

But for me, it just doesn’t work. Worthless? In most areas of my life, but especially in sex, I like to please, I like to be put to good use. Stupid? Well, that just makes me roll my eyes – I’ve always been The Smart Girl. I’m insecure on a lot of fronts, but my intelligence is not one of them. Ugly? Well, like 99.99% of women, I’ve struggled with my body image over the years, so I can’t say I’m totally secure there – but I don’t want to feel, even in play, that my partner thinks I’m ugly and is there anyway. I want to feel sexy and beautiful and desired.

Second, I don’t actually receive words like “slut” as insults. I think this is partly to do with my upbringing. I really was raised to feel that there was nothing wrong with a woman having lots of partners, or enjoying sex. Yes, there was a gap there, because I thought the kind of sex I liked was “wrong.” But the word “slut” has never really had much of a hold on me. If anything, I felt not sexual enough for most of my life. I wanted to be a sexual person, but there was a disconnect – I didn’t seem to be “into” sex in the way that other sexually liberated people seemed to be.

So to be called a slut, now that I have embraced my submissive sexuality, is actually very liberating. It’s a sign that I do now own my sexuality, and that my partner is celebrating it.

2 Responses to “More on objectifying language”

  1. SnowdropExplodes January 26, 2012 at 6:18 PM #

    I think, as a male top, calling my partner those “insulting” words is more of a celebration of her sexuality than anything else. In that context, it’s denying or subverting the standards of “society”.

    I do sometimes use the word stupid in a scene, but almost as an adverb – “you’re acting stupid, when I know you’re not (and therefore must be PUNISHED, mwahahaha!)” type of thing. There’s often an element of intellectual sparring in which I outwit or trick my partner, but again, it wouldn’t be fun if they weren’t bright enough for it to be a challenge (or to understand how I tricked them).

    Somehow I feel quite deep down that calling a partner “ugly” or “worthless” is as much of an indictment against me (what does it say about my judgement if I’m willing to be partnered to such a person?) – so I don’t really see the fun in it (although I realise others seem to enjoy it from both sides).

  2. m January 29, 2012 at 6:58 PM #

    “First, I’ve realized that I really only like this talk when it refers to sexual things. “Dirty, perverted whore”? Yes please. “Ugly, worthless, stupid whore”? Hell no, and get out of my house.”
    wow, you know what, although i have spent quite a while pondering about, why the one thing turns me on and the other off, i never managed to get it that spot on. That’s _exactly_ what it feels for me, too. my sexuality? dirty talk? hell yes. but don’t hit on things, that – on a different level – do really hurt.

    maybe it’s just me, and of course i have not really a statistically relevant sample of people, but i get the very strong impression, that this second form of verbal “abuse” is something that is enjoyed by far more man than woman?
    what do other people think about that?

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