Archive | December, 2011

I am not “broken” – and neither are you

28 Dec

Over the last few days, I’ve gotten dragged into an internet conversation about the “health” of kinky sex. I’m always loathe to get into these debates, because it’s a little bit like answering the question “when did you stop beating your wife” – once the discussion has gone there, you’ve already lost.

To be honest, I’m still always shocked when I come across people who believe kink is inherently unhealthy/degrading/antifeminist/otherwise fucked up, but I guess I shouldn’t be, because that’s how I used to feel on some level.

So I guess it bears saying: there is nothing inherently unhealthy about BDSM activities. And there is nothing inherently unhealthy about people who are into BDSM. It doesn’t mean we had some sort of trauma in our childhoods (of course, if a kinkster does have childhood trauma, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to be into BDSM, either). It doesn’t mean we have some sort of mental illness or other pathology.

And I’m not just saying that, either! The research that has been done on this topic backs me up. The excellent blog Kink Research Overviews has a great roundup of research regarding kink and correlation with psychological disorders¬†– and basically finds no evidence. The literature review I linked in my post on rape fantasies also shows that there is no evidence for a correlation.

But you know what? I’m not happy simply pointing out that I’m not “broken.” Because it’s not just that my sexuality doesn’t hurt me – it actually makes my life better! So much of my life has improved since I decided to accept my sexuality. Obviously, my sex life has improved – but so has my career, my health and my relationships.

So, no, I am not broken, and neither are you. Anyone who says differently is, frankly, ignorant.

Oh,, you know me better than I know myself …

15 Dec

I was just placing some orders on Nothing kinky or sexual, just some DVDs I’m buying for a family member.

When I noticed that Amazon has a new “Pay Phrase” function. I’m not entirely clear on how it works, but it seems to allow you to have things billed and sent to you without having to go through a bunch of steps.

But that’s not the interesting part. The interesting part? The default phrase they created for me:

“[My name]’s controlling assertion.”

I almost fell over laughing.

Maybe it doesn’t have to do with all the BDSM erotica I’ve purchased on Amazon over the last year – but I really kind of hope it does.


(In other news, my libido seems to have picked back up again, and I’ve found a deliciously evil and sadistic online play partner [yes, I know I said never again, but I’ve got needs] and I think I’m going to start dating again after the holidays. So I’m expecting to have more things to blog about again soon.)