Housekeeping

6 May

First things first – I just approved a bunch of comments. Sorry about that, folks. At some point, I set comment moderation so that they would only post if I approved them, and then forgot. Oops.

Now the way it works is that, if I’ve approved a comment from you before, it will post automatically. If it’s your first time commenting, it will need to wait for me to approve it, but I’ll do so in a timely manner. This is because this blog does occasionally attract anti-feminist trolls and I’ve decided that it’s not my responsibility to provide a platform for them. Get your own blogs, trolls.

OK, now to the larger question – what am I doing with this blog? I’m not sure, to be honest. I’m still getting quite a bit of traffic (which I love!) and I have no plans to take it down any time soon. But I also have (clearly) been feeling a lot less interest in posting. I think the main thing is that there are only so many ways one can say “it’s ok to be kinky/submissive/whatever” before one starts to feel like a broken record.

Also, when I started this blog, I had just started to accept myself, and so it felt really important to get this all out there, to make friends with my monster. And I guess I can say “Mission Accomplished” because it now feels like not such a Big Deal – it’s just another fact about me, another aspect of my life. And there are a bunch of other aspects of my life that have taken more prominence lately, and so my attention has been there.

However, there are still topics I want to write about, like the fluidity of sexuality, why I find sadists so damn hot, my love/hate relationship with orgasm denial, my ambivalence about the “scene” and so on. So I’m definitely not done with this blog.

9 Responses to “Housekeeping”

  1. Conina May 6, 2012 at 10:12 PM #

    Well that’s a relief. :)

    • feministsub May 7, 2012 at 7:26 AM #

      Aww, thanks. I am stilling *loving* your blog, by the way. :D

  2. doobedoo May 28, 2012 at 4:08 AM #

    hi there i just found your blog. i have recently got into bdsm with my bf who is a bit of a sadist lol which i think is great. i find it really difficult to talk about sex with anyone at the best of times, let alone BDSM, and couldnt think of talking of that or any aspect of my sex life with my mates, coz i find it hard to talk about sex and i have the feeling they would be really shocked by the stuff that we do (we are shocking ourselves lol!) i like pain and i also like being submissive and following orders (after id stopped laughing lol)

    my question is this. i am a feminist and a trade union activist. i dont take any crap from anyone and i wouldnt take any crap from him. however, looking at sites about BDSM on the internet, it seems that everyone who likes BDSM is a lunatic who wants to incorporate it into daily life and how you speak to people in everyday life, not just in the bedroom! I find it really hard to talk about this side of my sexuality (or any side of my sexuality) so it would really help to know people who were into it as well, without going into explicit details of what we were doing. however, it seems that everyone wants to make into some weird master and slave shit, which we are not into at all.

    so the question i wanted to ask, is, is this normal? can you be into bdsm without all of this crap, and if i was to meet up with other people that were into it as well would they behave normally and not expect you to address them in certain ways such as “Mr and Mrs” or “Sir” etc? im sorry if my questions are really naive but the only things i’ve read about bdsm are on the internet and i don’t know anyone in real life who i can feel comfortable to talk to about it. we were basically talking about all this stuff and i think that if we went we’d both feel really out of place and uncomfortable because our relationship is quite normal and equal apart from the BDSM.

    • feministsub June 1, 2012 at 8:50 PM #

      Hey, thanks for commenting! First off, yes, this is absolutely normal. I don’t have any studies to back me up, but I’m willing to guess that the number of people who play with this stuff in the bedroom only vastly outnumber the people who take it into the rest of their lives. I think the reason you see so much representation from the outside-the-bedroom folks is that it is such a bigger part of their lives, so it makes sense they’d have more to talk about, you know?

      I’m personally not really experienced in the “real life” kink scene – I’ve been to a few meetups but it wasn’t really for me. However, everyone I met was really nice and friendly, and absolutely no one expected me to call them “sir” or anything like that.

      You might as well give your local scene a shot – it can’t hurt. Are you on fetlife? It should be pretty easy to find local events. And if that doesn’t work, well, your friends might surprise you. Some of mine certainly have!

      One thing, though: you won’t be super-well-received in your local scene if you go in with the attitude that people who are into, say, a master/slave dynamic are “lunatics.” It’s just another expression of love and sexuality and it’s cool if it’s not for you, but it also doesn’t make people “lunatics” to be into it.

      Anyway, good luck and congrats on the fun times!

  3. doobedoo June 4, 2012 at 1:27 PM #

    :) thanks for the reply

    yeah dont get me wrong, i dont think they’re all lunatics, so sorry if this came across badly. its just something i don’t really understand very well and its not something either of us would want. i think people on the internet probably come across as stranger and less representative than they would in real life, as you said. sometimes i do put my foot in it haha

    • feministsub June 5, 2012 at 8:29 AM #

      No worries. I just like to make sure that this blog is a comfortable space for all to share, from those who are just curious to those for whom this is a lifestyle thing.

  4. doobedoo June 4, 2012 at 1:38 PM #

    and no,i am not on fetlife, although i might join it at some point. i have a few mates that are into this sort of thing though, for example one of my mates used to be a pro domme , she has said a similar thing to you, that its a kind of power exchange. i think you’re right, because it’s not the sort of thing people talk about very much it’s probably easy to get the wrong idea on the internet about what people think and are like.

    i guess the “lunatics” i was thinking of are the sort of people who want a total power exchange without any limits (so no safewords etc) and one person just does whatever the other person says (or so it appears – it might not really be so!) i was talking to my bf about it and we agreed that it was not something either of us wanted. i honestly didnt mean to offend you or anyone else with my comment, so sorry if i did.

    • feministsub June 5, 2012 at 8:32 AM #

      I would definitely recommend joining fetlife. Just take it all with a grain of salt – I think there’s a LOT of exageration and fantasy-living-out that happens there. Which is fine, except for when people try to say that their fairly extreme view of things is the “One True Way.”

      Going to a few meetups was actually pretty educational for me, because I got to meet people who called themselves “master and slave” but had normal, loving relationships, with safewords, etc.

      • doobedoo June 7, 2012 at 5:20 AM #

        yer , i guess my experience just freaks me out, because not to go into detail but ive had indirect experiences of controlling and abusive relationships (although BDSM had nothing to do with them), and the thought of being told what to do and be bossed around all the time doesnt appeal to me (although i know in D/s relationships it doesn’t have to really be like that, but i just wouldn’t want it to happen in any type of relationship).

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