My porn boyfriend, James Deen (NSFW/your grandma’s house)

5 Jun

This feminist has a crush on a porn star, and his name is James Deen. Some of you are probably already nodding your heads.

I’m putting the rest of this behind the cut, since it’s long and has some sexy images. Yep, I’m basically pretending this blog is a dirty tumblr.
(This has been quite the pop-culture-love-in week on my blog, no? But it’s finally sunny and even almost summer here in the grey, damp north, and I can’t quite work up much feminist rage under these conditions.)
I only started watching porn regularly about a year ago. I still don’t watch it very much, because, as a woman, porn is not really made for me, and it’s hard to find porn I actually enjoy watching. But I love watching porn with James Deen, and I know I’m not the only one. I’m devoting an entire post to James Deen’s awesomeness, because I think that his approach to porn, and sex in general, is important, and something that others in the porn business could stand to learn a lot from.
So here are the reasons I love James Deen:
1. He’s good-looking. Yes, shallow. But damn, there are so many ugly men in porn. And I’m not talking just about appearance, or normative standards of beauty (hell, I’m the lady who thinks Lyle Lovett and Seth Rogen are super hot). I’m talking about how unpleasant most of them seem, personality-wise. Most men in porn seem to only consist of large dicks and angry faces.
But James Deen is cute. If you saw him at the coffeeshop, you’d flirt with him (or, if you’re me, you’d shuffle awkwardly, make a dumb joke, and blush).
See? Cute!
2. He really, really likes to make women have orgasms. One thing you don’t see a lot of in porn is women receiving oral sex. Maybe a few tongue flicks (and, seriously, does that actually work on any women?) before getting down to the “real” action, and by “real” I mean “involving a cock.” Now, I’ll be honest: I love watching blowjobs in porn. It’s usually my favorite part, unless there’s some really good spanking. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it’s really messed up that most porn spends only a few seconds on pussy-eating, compared to the long, drawn-out blowjob scenes.
But James Deen really, really loves doing down on women. He gets in there.
Note: there was an amazing video floating around on various dirty tumblrs recently that featured about 20 minutes of James Deen eating pussy with so much fucking gusto that he was growling while he did it. I was planning on posting it here. But now, of course, I can’t find that video. So sad. So instead, I give you this gif:
And this one:
But that growl in the video I wanted to post? That is the sound of a man who is going to stay down there as long as he pleases, dammit.
4. Speaking of which – he does a lot of BDSM porn, and plays the dominant role, but is not a prick about it. We all know the complaint that porn is degrading to women. Anti-porn feminists like Gail Dines (google her if you must – I’m not giving her any link-love because she makes me very cranky) often use examples of porn that depicts rough sex to support this claim.
Deen, however, manages to be a porn star who is known both for rough scenes and for the incredible connection he makes with his costars. I love how he shows that it’s possible to be  dominant, rough and “demeaning” towards your partner – making her say ouch, calling her sexist names, “forcing” her to do humiliating things – and still have it be sexy and fun for both parties, and for the viewing audience. His scenes show how sex can be “degrading” without being for-real degrading. And it’s quite clear that, whatever persona he’s adopting – whether it’s stern master or loving boyfriend whose girlfriend likes it rough – he’s in tune with his partner and making sure she has a good time.
5. Wait, what? Did you say “in tune with his partner”? In porn? Why, yes I did. He looks into their eyes with an intensity that would probably make me giggle and feel embarrassed, he whispers/growls things in their ears (and won’t tell interviewers what he’s saying, because it’s just for the lady he’s schtupping – what a romantic!), he seems to know just the right amount of pleasure/pain/whatever sensation to dish out to his costar to get the response he’s looking for. With most porn, I tend to feel less like I’m watching two human beings have sex, and more like I’m watching two sets of body parts interacting. But when James Deen is involved, it’s hot because it’s human.
I love the first 5 or so minutes of this scene (NSFW), because it is all about the dynamic between the two. There’s a little sex, and a little hitting, but mainly it’s about getting the actress into the right headspace for the rest of the scene. And Mr. Deen knows how to do that, because he’s right there with her, picking up on her signals, listening to her, and taking her where she needs to go. There’s even a little moment where he messes up – he says, “by the end of this, I will own your pussy,” and then realizes that, no, in the context of this scene, he already owns her pussy! Oops! So he sort of covers it up, not very smoothly, and moves on. And I love that little moment because it’s real.
6. He seems like an intelligent, decent, goofy person. I love intelligent, decent, goofy people, they’re my favorite. He has a blog where every entry is basically “I had sex with [porn actress] today. It was really fun, and she’s a pretty rad person. Then I ate a burrito.” But I like it because he obviously really enjoys and respects the women he works with. Which seems strange, because he also shows pictures of their spread asses on his blog. But this is porn. And I actually think the attitude he displays on his blog is a sort of sex-positivism that you see pretty rarely in porn.
But he’s obviously intelligent and thoughtful as well. One of the highlights of maymay’s New Yorker-essay-length post about his tour of the kink.com facility is the two hours he spent chatting with James in the wee hours of the morning. It seems that James was one of the few people who really engaged with maymay in discussion about sexual politics and kink.com’s role in the BDSM community.

UPDATE: If you look in the comments below, you’ll see a comment by maymay pointing out that I misinterpreted his account of his conversation with Deen. Bummer.

OK, so here’s the thing I’m not crazy about: he’s been participating for a while in a really odious Brazzer’s series called “Porn Star Punishment.” It’s basically what it says on the tin: sort of rapey features where the male actors “punish” the female actors with rough sex. It’s as bad as it sounds.
Last month he posted this on his blog, after shooting a scene for Porn Star Punishment:
 I am actually beginning to feel a little weird about doing this site lately and I can’t figure out why.  I think it is because I don’t like the idea of “punishing” girls with rough sex.
Yep, hit the nail on the head. Not that I want to be playing “porn police” and obviously there can be a lot of fun to be had in the whole “you’ve been a naughty boy/girl, now I’m going to punish you with something you actually want” genre. But Porn Star Punishment isn’t that. It honestly creeps me the fuck out, and I hope James Deen takes his concerns seriously and stops doing this series. So I can feel free to crush on him with zero feminist guilt!
I’m going to leave you with this lovely image:

23 Responses to “My porn boyfriend, James Deen (NSFW/your grandma’s house)”

  1. dx June 7, 2011 at 12:34 AM #

    Just had to comment and say that your mouseover text for the last picture made me laugh out loud. I rarely do that for things I find on the internet, but it was just funny. And I can’t say I’m too well-versed in porn, but I shall look Mr. Deen up. ;)

    • feministsub June 12, 2011 at 11:35 AM #

      Glad to have given you a laugh!

      • kitty March 19, 2012 at 7:21 PM #

        Which film is the last pic from?

  2. Southeast, Sex and Sanity June 8, 2011 at 7:32 AM #

    Hey
    I really enjoyed this post! James Deen is definately one of my favourite male porn actors for several of the reasons you stated. His scenes with Joanna Angel are fantastic (there are hundreds out there as they work together a fair bit) because they seem to be quite good chums and as a result kind of get each other and look like they have a lot of fun.

    Charlie

    • feministsub June 12, 2011 at 11:37 AM #

      Apparently they are actually dating. Which I love – the idea of two goofy, smart, Jewish porn stars in love makes me smile. :D

  3. maymay July 12, 2011 at 4:18 PM #

    I haven’t read this whole post yet, but I did just find it via a link. I want to clarify something and apologize in advance for taking off your rose-colored glasses:

    One of the highlights of maymay’s New Yorker-essay-length post about his tour of the kink.com facility is the two hours he spent chatting with James in the wee hours of the morning. It seems that James was one of the few people who really engaged with maymay in discussion about sexual politics and kink.com’s role in the BDSM community.

    To be clear: that was not my impression of the conversation. I’m disappointed in myself for not making that clearer in the post I wrote, but then again, the post was about me, not James Deen. I don’t really know what the man’s politics are, and neither do you, and I think you ought be very careful about assuming anything about them in either the positive or negative at this point, as I sense you may be doing.

    The man is extremely sexy (yes, even to me, personally). Sexy people generally get the benefit of the doubt. And that’s fucking fucked up bullshit. He doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt for that reason. He might deserve it because he hasn’t actually said very much about his sexual politics. But that, right there, is a negative in my book, not a positive and I’ll ding him for it no matter how much I might fantasize about my mouth on his cock, and if you care about sexual politics at all, so should you.

    Disclaimer: I resent you for having a porn boyfriend in the first place. Take this comment with an emotional grain of salt.

    • feministsub July 12, 2011 at 4:49 PM #

      Thanks for the clarification – I’m going to put an edit in my post for posterity, directing people to your comment.

      I suppose my praise of him is less about his politics or him as a political figure – which I don’t think he is, any more than anyone in the public eye naturally becomes a public figure – and more about the fact that I think his popularity speaks to a huge gap in porn, and that it’s so goddamn nice to have someone like him around in porn. Like I said, I don’t watch much porn, but when I feel that particular itch, he’s where I go. And it’s nice to have that little shortcut, but it’s pretty sad that I even need it. So I wanted to highlight the reasons I feel he’s so popular with so many people, and why I think we need more like him.

      Also, I admit pretty freely that this was a fairly fluffy post, because it’s about a crush, and I feel no compunction being fluffy about a crush.

      But why the resentment? And what’s the grain of salt? I think I might have an idea, but I want to make sure I’m getting you right.

      • maymay July 12, 2011 at 7:42 PM #

        this was a fairly fluffy post, because it’s about a crush, and I feel no compunction being fluffy about a crush.

        That’s totally fair. Crushing can be fun. Go for it. :)

        But why the resentment?

        All of my porn crushes feel abusive. I’d like one that feels kind, but I don’t expect to ever have that, and I’m jealous of you for having one.

      • feministsub July 13, 2011 at 7:37 AM #

        @maymay: “All of my porn crushes feel abusive.”

        I know what you mean. :-/

      • hey_girl September 30, 2011 at 8:07 PM #

        Porn used to be a pretty lame place for me until I found James Deen–exactly what I was looking for. He is the cutest porn star EVER. I have to gush over him, it’s impossible not to.
        When I watch his stuff, I actually do feel satisfied after, which is something that never really happened with other porn I watched. It bored me and left me feeling empty. Majority of porn stars I’ve seen are so beefed up with hideous arm band tattoos and veins popping out of their foreheads. They are always awful BLEH.
        Deen, on the other hand… that scruff.. you just wanna run your fingers through his hair. Even though I don’t like BDSM, or anything at all like that for that matter, he has some gems that are so passionate like real people enjoying each other having sex. It’s not all completely for the money :)
        He is so damn cute that sometimes I am jealous of the actress he’s with! Hah!

        PS you should really follow his twitter.

  4. Bob December 28, 2011 at 4:32 AM #

    He says on his twitter he feels angry and violent. Anyway, I disagree: all this BDSM and punishment porn, I don’t thik the women like it-they pretend they do for the money. It has a detrimental impact because men get turned on by it and can only be turned on by hitting women etc. I think he’s a self centered prick only caring about his sexual satisfaction and you’ve been blinded by his good looks so can’t see that? Do you really want an abusive sex obsessed guy as your boyfriend?

    • feministsub December 28, 2011 at 2:36 PM #

      Have you read any of my other blog posts? If you have, then you’ll understand that your white-knighting here is not really necessary or appreciated. I also don’t really care for your pathologizing of male sexuality.

  5. annie March 9, 2012 at 10:36 AM #

    and here i thought i was gonna sleep.

  6. annabeljoseph March 16, 2012 at 5:32 PM #

    Whee…I’ve come here about fifty times to perv this post, in particular the second .gif of him licking pussy. ZOMG! thanks for this.

    I’m not going to get all analytical and serious about James Deen and his worthiness or politics or the reality of him. I’m just gonna say this: he turns me on!!

    • feministsub March 17, 2012 at 8:23 AM #

      So hot, right? Love that little look at the end.

  7. Deanna June 10, 2012 at 4:53 AM #

    I love james deen i wish he could come fuck me everyday and i want him to fuck me hard I LOVE YOU JAMES DEEN

  8. Singe August 3, 2012 at 3:10 AM #

    You know, in that second gif, he looks somewhat like Justin Timberlake.

  9. LK August 4, 2012 at 11:47 AM #

    WHY are we getting into sexual politics with this … well…kid (sorry but I’m nearly twice his age). He is an actor, a porn actor, and well, a cute one at that. I admit that I had no clue about him until I stumbled upon him via The Canyons coverage and well then I went further and looked at his porn and yes, by God that man turned me on. I am a fan of porn but he made me an uber fan of his porn. Like many women say, his technique of looking into your eyes and giving a woman pleasure, which looks like it makes HIM happy too is what I love. Yea he’s cute. But in all honesty, no I wouldn’t want him as a boyfriend. I’m sure he, without him even knowing it or hell maybe he does, he is 100% a sex addict. Anyone who wants to be a porn star in kindergarten, practices by jerking off in front of 20 of his friends, looks to shoot porn during his off time, only dates porn girls…well, he’s a sex addict 100% and honestly, I find that just sad. Yea he’s happy but what is happiness for him? I can’t imagine it’s fulfilling. Sure I read his blog, his Twitter, giggle and fantasize him as being a normal guy and seeing if I could be in his world as a normal girlfriend and well, I can’t. One would have to accept that he’s fucking you and about 50 other girls WITHOUT a condom. I really wish if he’s going to be the next American Idol per sey to girls/women, wear a fucking condom during your shoots. His whole excuse of “well I get tested every 30 days” is sad. Have some respect for yourself on that 31st day by wearing a condom.

    Anyway, off tangent here with a lot of this. All I know is I’m sick and tired of reading the comments in his blog as “omg I want to fuck you.” I find that empty and pathetic all the way around. For me, it’s OMG I want to just snuggle, get inside your head, and break your shell. Because that is all his career and persona is—a shell. I’m sure he’s a very hurt person inside. Not judging his porn, his decisions because I get off on his porn. But again, I can’t imagine his life at being 100% fullfillingly happy having sex with that many people 24 hours a day. I wonder if he has EVER had a real relationship where sex wasn’t the #1 springboard for having it?

    • S.R. December 13, 2012 at 11:10 AM #

      I think it’s unfortunate that you feel the need to project onto him, honestly. Why can’t there be a person who genuinely enjoys what he’s doing? Just because some of us wouldn’t be happy doing it doesn’t mean he can’t be. Why can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s actually happy? If you read some of his interviews, you’ll see him say that he doesn’t consider sex to be as intimate as going to a movie and snuggling with a girl. He doesn’t consider sex to be the basis of a relationship. A lot of the time, he prefers making out. So 1) Yes, he is, for the most part, having a blast doing what he does and 2) Yes, he’s had relationships not based on sex.

      The fact that you can’t imagine how he’d be happy is YOUR limitation. Your concept of what should make a person happy is self-limiting. It doesn’t limit me, or him, or any of a number of people who are genuinely satisfied with jobs that you don’t understand the appeal of. It’s a real shame that you can’t open your mind and grasp that someone could be satisfied with something that would be unfulfilling for you.

  10. LK August 4, 2012 at 11:50 AM #

    Oh and by the way, his porn, style, and whatever you want to call it, definately has made me and my DH’s sex life MUCH better. I even told James/Bryan thank you for making sex pleasurable, fun, erotic, and enjoyable again, because it’s 100% true. Watching his stuff makes me want to enjoy sex (naturally the back of my mind I”m picturing it’s him but fuck it, DH isn’t complaining. :))

    • halfofhumbert April 11, 2013 at 12:15 PM #

      i just thought it should be mentioned that good ol’ mr Jimmy D is engaged to Joanna Angel AKA The Prom Queen if you’re aquainted with his charming and amusing blog. He does far more than just appear in scenes, he directs, shoots, produces and really seems to believe in what he does. Just because the guy seems to love his job, doesnt mean that he doesnt actually love it. he’s explained before that he tends to date (or used to date) women in the business because they understand that respecting their co-star and enjoying sex does not mean an emotional betrayal. Deen and Angel have won best on screen chemistry multiple times, and good for them. Joanna Angel often hires him to work with other women too. If you do read his blog, there’s often stuff about cameras and tech stuff that he clearly is passionate about too. im not saying the guy’s perfect, probably far from it – but just think that he does come across as caring and respectful, and seems to love what he does – which seems pretty evident in his scenes if you ask me :)

      also, as far as submission goes – it is not antifeminist – women do enjoy it. it’s empowering to completely let go, and there is a beauty i think in knowing that you’re that comfortable with a person that you can make youself truely vulnerable and know that they wont push you further than you can go (ie safeword). This is why books like fifty shades are so damaging, because in the end grey is ‘fixed’ or ‘saved’ from being the product of an abusive childhood. the only subs in the series are painted as psychos who become obsessed and the entire thing is hugely damaging. this is why i have so much respect for james deen.. there was a sex and submission scene with sensi pearl in which her bounderies were pushed, but you can see that he’s reading her and is carefull not to push her further than she can take, plus the video at the end clearly shows that she, and him, had a great time and at the end of the day, that’s what people want to see -not some fake orgasm and cold performance.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Why I’d Be Glad If My Daughter Was Watching James Deen « Female Gazing - March 14, 2012

    [...] Deen you start to google around for actual information about him as a person and then when you read interviews with him you realize that he’s actually a sex-positive [...]

  2. James Deen cultivates consent culture in porn, and looks good doing it. | SEXed - April 18, 2012

    [...] Deen you start to google around for actual information about him as a person and then when you read interviews with him you realize that he’s actually a sex-positive [...]

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